Rupture
to
Repair

Practical Strategies for Preventing Conflicts with Middle Schoolers

Margaret Lavin

Principal, Price Middle School, San Jose

“As a Principal, I have many obligations to attend events in the evening. One that was really powerful was the Rupture to Repair Workshop. Those parents got so much out of it. I got so much out of it.”

Watch this video to get a flavor of what it’s like

Watch this video to get a
flavor of what it’s like

Middle school is a really important time for families.

This small window of opportunity can have huge impacts on how parents and children relate to each other now and into the future.

This is when kids are coming into their own and figuring out their values, interests, and identity, independent of their parents.

Parents are now moving away from their role as manager and auditioning for their role as (unpaid) consultant.

The only way to get the job? Build trust when there’s a conflict. Easier said than done.

Middle school is when kids start sneaking around and hiding things from their parents.

Why? Because they’re scared that their parents aren’t going to support their choices. So, rather than find out, they’re going to experiment without your knowledge. (Remind you of someone?)

The question is: How are parents going to handle that when it happens?

We often think there are only two choices —

The my-way-or-the-highway approach or let them walk all over you.

The problem is, both of these options tend to lead to more sneaking around.

The good news is, there’s a better, rarely used, third option.

One that will create an environment of trust and connection so that parents can have peace of mind that their children are making choices that truly serve them and consider others, including them.

So, how do we create that space?

In this hands-on workshop we’ll cover…

Why compromise doesn’t work in the long run and the mindset shift that makes conflict prevention and repair possible
A streamlined four step process for preventing and resolving conflicts that results in win-win solutions for everyone
Inspiring and educational case studies of families using this process to transform long standing conflicts
How to avoid the common pitfalls that escalate conflict despite parents’ best intentions
How to make requests —not demands—while remaining confident that parents won’t give up on what’s important to them

This workshop is perfect for parents if…

They’ve tried a million things but can’t stop the same fights about issues like chores, screentime, and how your kids’ treat each other from happening.
They’re sick of being a pushover or police officer (sometimes both on the same day).
They don’t want to fight with their partner about how to handle conflict with their kids
They’re scared that their inability to handle conflicts is corroding their kids’ trust in them and, as a result, their kids aren’t telling them what’s really going on for them
They fear that these ongoing conflicts are hurting their kids’ relationships with their siblings now and in the future.

This workshop is perfect for parents if…

They’ve tried a million things but can’t stop the same fights about issues like chores, screentime, and how your kids’ treat each other from happening.
They’re sick of being a pushover or police officer (sometimes both on the same day).
They don’t want to fight with their partner about how to handle conflict with their kids
They’re scared that their inability to handle conflicts is corroding their kids’ trust in them and, as a result, their kids aren’t telling them what’s really going on for them
They fear that these ongoing conflicts are hurting their kids’ relationships with their siblings now and in the future.

This workshop is a significant step on a journey to…

Everyone in the family (finally) getting along.
Building real trust and open communication with each other.
Peace of mind that kids will ask their parents for help when they need it and won’t sneak around.
Confidence that if a fight does happen, it’s not going to ruin everyone’s day or dinner and everyone will learn something from it.
Siblings handling their conflicts on their own in a healthy, productive way.

About Your Facilitator

Hi. I’m Lisa.

I’ve spent the last two decades learning, practicing, and teaching hundreds of parents how to prevent family conflicts. I started doing this work because I decided that I wouldn’t have kids until I had tools to do things differently than my (well-intentioned and loving) parents did. I have two kids who are now 15 and 18.

Unlike me, my kids actually enjoyed middle school.

And I like to believe that a big part of that was because of the parenting choices my husband and I made. I’m thrilled to share our experiences and what we learned from them with you.

Parents usually feel judged

by their kids, their partners, their in-laws, other parents, and (the harshest critics of all) themselves. I see what every family member does through a judgment-free lens, which results in robust, compassionate conflict transformation.

I majored in Chinese in college, produced a podcast at a food truck park, and perform monologues like Date Night at Pet Emergency and the Mommy Meltdown Show. I also love square dancing and tandem pedal kayaks.

You’ve probably noticed that I don’t have any letters after my name. That’s because the skills you need to prevent conflicts and repair ruptures don’t require a degree in mental health. They’re accessible to everyone. My clients and I are living proof of that.

A Few More Details

We encourage parents to bring kids as young as 10 – provided they genuinely want to come. Parents can tell them this is a chance to find out how they can get more of what they want, more of the time, in a way that works for everybody.